After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
