No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
