You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
