I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
