Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
