6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol