Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
