She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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