first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
