Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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