I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
