All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
