Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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