I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
