My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
