is your mom at the bar?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
