i just google imaged poop.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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