Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
