i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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