Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
