No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
