Only a mothe r could love this liver
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
