i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
