Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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