During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
