Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
