My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
