I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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