I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
two words: eviction party
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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