I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
