I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
