one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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