your parents love me but you hate me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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