My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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