Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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