Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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