Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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