No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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