Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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