im drinking this country out of the recession.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
