I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
