I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
