I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
why is half of my head shaved?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
