dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
