she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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