You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
