I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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