dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
