sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
