So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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