I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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