I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Your dad touched me again.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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