smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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