Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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