U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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