you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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