My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
