I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
