worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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