i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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