Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
